How I got here

I had lap band surgery March 10, 2009, having surgery was the best decision I ever made. I had tried every diet under the sun but nothing with real success that lasted more than a few months.

I would like to lose an additional 50 pounds, I find myself backsliding a bit and I'm hoping by starting to blog I will hold myself accountable to get the "last fifty" pounds off. I would also like to be real, to say that I don't reach for food to console myself would be a lie. I want to learn to stop myself before I reach for food and deal with the issue at hand, whether it be stress, boredom, anger or fear.

I have been heavy my entire life and now that I have found some success there is constant fear. Fear of regaining, fear of not succeeding in getting more weight off, FEAR in general. I lived so long in dispair that I was bound to be heavy my whole life and now that there is hope and I have lost a substantial amount of weight I have this fear that I won't be successful long term.

When I had weight loss surgery I didn't have the goal of being a size 5 or weighing 110 pounds. I have been heavy set person my entire life from child to an adult. I am very realistic with my goal weight 165 even though I'm only 5 '2. I find beauty in fuller figures and overall I want to be healthy and active not just thin. I want to find a weight that I can maintain with some of the habits I know I won't be able to break like my Dad's wonderful homemade Mexican cooking. My Happy Hours with my best friends, FOOTBALL Season, I still want to be able to enjoy life and in my life that includes food. I just don't want to obsess over food ...

I have a few mini goals along the way to fifty.

1. being able to buy a racy costume
2. new boots - tall boots
3. take Christmas photo (to be used in Christmas cards)

We will start with the first three when I accomplish two then I will add two more items to my mini goal list.

As I mentioned I have been backsliding a bit so I started this blog to re-commit myself. Starting Tuesday Sept 7th, I will post daily my efforts to achieve getting this weight off. I will begin with logging my food intake, exercising and sharing all the ups and downs and bumps in the road. I want to be able to exercise 5 times a week so that's my first goal, for 30 days my focus will be hitting the gym or doing videos at home. Once those 30 days have passed I hope to of made exercise a habit instead of a chore and then I will jump on the dreaded scale. (first weigh in Oct 7th)

I'm sure most are wondering why don't I log my start weight now but I haven't been on the scale in sometime and I find myself very vunerable. I fear jumping on the scale now would hurt my efforts more than help plus my overall goal isn't just losing weight but finding myself along the way. So I would like to begin this Fifty journey with exercise.

Join me...